"During his weekly radio address, President Obama said we've finally begun to put the brakes on this recession, which is good news. Unfortunately, the brakes were built by General Motors." --Jimmy Fallon
在每周演講中，奧巴馬總統(tǒng)說(shuō)我們終于給經(jīng)濟(jì)不景氣踩了剎車，這是好消息。不幸的是，這個(gè)剎車是通用制造的?！住し▊?

"According to a new report that just came out, NASA doesn't have enough money to track all the giant asteroids that could crash into Earth. NASA says we shouldn't worry though because they've given the job to Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck." –Conan O'Brien
根據(jù)一份剛剛出爐的報(bào)告，美國(guó)宇航局沒(méi)有足夠的資金來(lái)追蹤所有可能沖撞地球的巨型行星。宇航局說(shuō)雖然這樣咱們也不用擔(dān)心，因?yàn)樗麄円呀?jīng)把這項(xiàng)工作交給布魯斯·威利斯和本·阿弗萊克了?！履稀W布萊恩

"Yesterday, GM announced a new car that will get 230 miles a gallon. Today, Nissan said their new car is going to get 367 miles a gallon. It's getting crazy -- Toyota just announced their new car will get 500 miles per gallon, plant rain forests, give birth to endangered pandas." --Conan O'Brien
昨天，通用宣布說(shuō)他們的一款新車每加侖汽油能跑230英里。今天尼桑說(shuō)他們的新車能跑367英里。事情越來(lái)越瘋狂了——豐田剛剛宣布說(shuō)他們的新車能跑500英里，種植雨林，生下瀕危的熊貓?！履稀W布萊恩

"President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option." --Conan O'Brien
奧巴馬總統(tǒng)說(shuō)他不會(huì)支持一個(gè)政府決定是否要，他原話說(shuō)的是“從老奶奶身上拔下插頭”的醫(yī)療方案。很明顯，奧巴馬的計(jì)劃要求得到的是更加快速見(jiàn)效的枕頭。——柯南·奧布萊恩

"This is a weird story. Someone recently tried to sell an Xbox that was autographed by Sarah Palin for $1.1 million. Yeah. Unfortunately, the Palin Xbox kept quitting in the middle of every game." --Conan O'Brien
這是個(gè)奇怪的故事。一些人最近試圖把一個(gè)有莎拉·佩林簽名的Xbox賣到110萬(wàn)。是啊，不幸的是，佩林的Xbox總會(huì)在每一個(gè)游戲的中途退出?！履稀W布萊恩

"Former President Clinton, of course, in the news a lot lately. Yesterday, former President Clinton gave a speech to a group from Haiti, and he urged them not to give up hope. Clinton said, 'Things can start to look bleak, and then, all of the sudden, you're on an airplane with two hot Asian chicks.'" --Conan O'Brien
前總統(tǒng)克林頓，當(dāng)然，最近常上電視。昨天，前總統(tǒng)克林頓向一群海地人發(fā)表演講，他力勸他們不要放棄希望?？肆诸D說(shuō)，“事情開(kāi)始總是看上去很不好，然后，突然間，你就在飛機(jī)上和兩個(gè)很辣的亞洲小妞在一起了?！薄履稀W布萊恩

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