"Bill Clinton got the two journalists released. This is fantastic news. And then afterwards, Clinton told the hostages, 'I, too, know what it's like to be held captive by an evil tyrant who wears ladies' sunglasses. I feel your pain.'" --Conan O'Brien
比爾·克林頓讓兩位記者被釋放了，這是很好的消息。然后，克林頓對人質(zhì)們說，“我也很了解被一個邪惡的帶著女士太陽鏡的暴君抓住的感覺，我了解你們的痛苦?！薄履稀W布萊恩

"The two female journalists held captive in North Korea are saying they were shocked to walk into a room and see Bill Clinton there. That's what they said. Then they said they were even more shocked to see him wearing nothing but a towel." --Conan O'Brien
兩位在朝鮮被抓的女記者們說，她們走進一個房間看見比爾·克林頓的時候非常驚訝。這是她們說的，然后還說她們看見他只披了條毛巾啥也沒穿更驚訝?！履稀W布萊恩

滬江小編：想想克林頓挺可憐的哈，跑去朝鮮救人回來還被媒體拿陳年往事冷嘲熱諷。

"I want to say happy birthday today to Barack Obama. The President just turned 48 years old, if he was ever really born, that is. I guess it all depends on whether you believe his 'birth certificate' or not." --Jimmy Kimmel
我想對奧巴馬說生日快樂?？偨y(tǒng)今年48了，如果他真出生過的話。據(jù)我猜測這都的看你相不相信他的出生證明了?！住た?/p>

"Obama's birthday is a reminder of why healthcare is so important. As you probably know, due to a lack of healthcare coverage, Obama's mother was turned away from a number of hospitals and was ultimately forced to give birth in a manger." --Jimmy Kimmel
奧巴馬的生日正是提醒了我們?yōu)槭裁瘁t(yī)療保險很重要。你們大家可能知道，就是因為沒有醫(yī)療保險，奧巴馬的媽媽才不得不從好多家醫(yī)院輾轉(zhuǎn)最后把他生在了馬槽里?！住た?/p>

"I will show you President Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma." --Bill Maher
你們給我看莎拉·佩林的高中畢業(yè)證我就給你們看奧巴馬總統(tǒng)的出生證明。——比爾·馬赫

"Sonia Sotomayor was confirmed as the Supreme Court's first Hispanic justice. Or as Lou Dobbs reported it, yet another job gone south of the border." –Conan O'Brien
索尼婭·索托馬約爾被批準(zhǔn)成為最高法院第一位西班牙語裔的大法官?；蛘呦馤ou Dobbs報道的那樣，另一份工作給了國境之南。——柯南·奧布萊恩

Lou Dobbs是美國一個比較偏激的主播，經(jīng)常宣傳反華言論。

"President Obama said that Congress probably won't vote on his healthcare bill until October. What's the hurry? It's not like there's some crazy flu epidemic out there." --Jimmy Fallon
奧巴馬總統(tǒng)說國會可能直到十月才會給他的醫(yī)療保險預(yù)算投票。急什么呢？又不像有什么瘋狂的流感在傳染。——吉米·法倫

"The Pentagon's concerned that Facebook could pose a security risk to U.S. military personnel. Yeah, because apparently, there's no telling what al Qaeda could do if it knows what a soldier's five favorite romantic comedies are." --Conan O'Brien
五角大樓擔(dān)心facebook會對美國的軍隊成員帶來安全隱患。是啊，因為很明顯，要是塔利班知道一個士兵最愛的五部浪漫喜劇電影是什么，誰也不知道他們會做出什么事情?！履稀W布萊恩

"President Obama, Professor Gates, and Officer Crowley had their beer summit. And the big surprise was they were joined by Vice President Biden. That was the surprise, yeah. The highlight of the evening was when Officer Crowley told Biden, 'You have the right to remain silent.'" --Conan O'Brien
奧巴馬總統(tǒng)、蓋茨教授和警官克勞力舉行了他們的啤酒峰會。最讓人驚訝的是副總統(tǒng)拜登也參加了，是啊，這讓人驚訝。當(dāng)晚最精彩的是克勞力警官對拜登說，“你有權(quán)保持沉默?！薄履稀W布萊恩

"Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and her husband Todd are denying rumors that they're getting a divorce. When asked about it, Palin said, 'When have you ever known me to not see something through?'" --Conan O'Brien
前阿拉斯加州長莎拉·佩林和她的丈夫托德否認(rèn)了離婚傳聞。當(dāng)被問道這件事的時候，佩林說，“你們什么時候看見我沒有在最艱難的時候堅持到底了？”——柯南·奧布萊恩

滬江小編：那是誰在任期結(jié)束一年之前就辭職啊~~

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