We say yes for many reasons. We seek?validation, to be needed, or relied upon. We are good people. We care and so we give of ourselves to our families and friends.
我們回答“好”的理由有很多。我們尋求確認(rèn)，想要被需要，或是被依靠。我們都是好人。我們關(guān)心他人，所以我們?nèi)膶?duì)待自己的家人和朋友。

But if we're in the habit of saying yes too often, we may find ourselves depleted, overwhelmed, depressed, or angry. I know because I've been there.
但是如果我們養(yǎng)成了太頻繁說(shuō)“好，好”的人了。我們就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)自己竭力耗盡、不堪重負(fù)、郁郁寡歡或是生氣不已。我這么說(shuō)是因?yàn)槲乙彩沁@么過(guò)來(lái)的。

Learning to say no protects our energy, time, and priorities. But we often say yes out of guilt.
學(xué)會(huì)說(shuō)“不”維護(hù)自己的精力、時(shí)間和優(yōu)先權(quán)。但是我們常常出于愧疚感說(shuō)“好的”。

"Well I could do it..."
“那……我來(lái)吧……”

"What will they think if I say no?"
“如果我說(shuō)了‘不’他們會(huì)怎么想？”

"I don't want to disappoint them or hurt their feelings..."
“我不想讓他們失望，或是傷害他們的情感……”

When we say yes out of obligation, we're not taking care of ourselves and end up disappointing and hurting ourselves. Follow these simple tips to help you say no with love:
當(dāng)我們出于責(zé)任心說(shuō)“好的”的時(shí)候，我們并沒(méi)有照顧好自己，讓自己失望和受傷。學(xué)學(xué)這些簡(jiǎn)單的小技巧，讓你說(shuō)“不”也充滿了人情味。

1) Say thanks and think it over.
先說(shuō)謝謝，并且細(xì)細(xì)想一想。

I had the bad habit of saying yes to things right away and then feeling crappy later. When Jane asks if you can watch her dog this weekend, tell her you're honored that she thought of you and that you'd be happy to let her know at the end of the day or the next morning.
我有個(gè)壞習(xí)慣。遇事總是馬上就答應(yīng)下來(lái)，而隨后就覺(jué)得好討厭了。當(dāng)簡(jiǎn)問(wèn)道這周末能否她照顧一下狗狗時(shí)，告訴她，她能想到你讓你覺(jué)得很榮幸，你很愿意在今天晚些時(shí)候，或是明早給她答復(fù)。

Don't allow people to bully you into making snap decisions. You may feel uncomfortable, resent the other person, and fester some anger towards yourself. Avoid this by saying you'll check your schedule. Give them a time or date that you'll follow up with them.
別讓他人讓你陷入迅速?zèng)Q策而欺負(fù)你。你可能會(huì)覺(jué)得不是滋味，怨恨別人，并愈發(fā)對(duì)自己生氣。要避免這種情況，就說(shuō)你會(huì)再看看你的日程表。給他們一個(gè)你會(huì)幫他們做這件事情的時(shí)間或是日期。

2) Three breaths. Two questions.
三呼吸。兩問(wèn)題。

If we are in the habit of saying yes out of obligation, every question can cause stress. Take three deep breaths before you answer which will ground you. Then ask yourself these questions.
如果我們有出于責(zé)任回答“好”的習(xí)慣，每個(gè)問(wèn)題都會(huì)造成壓力。在你要脫口而出回應(yīng)的之前，做三次深呼吸。然后問(wèn)問(wèn)自己這些問(wèn)題。

Ask Yourself: Am I able to? Do I want to?
問(wèn)問(wèn)你自己：我能做嗎？我想做嗎？

Just because we're able to do something it doesn't mean we should or that we need to. When we do things out of obligation it feels like a chore. When we do things out of love, they feel like a joy. So are you able to? Do you want to?
僅僅因?yàn)槲覀兡苋プ瞿呈拢⒉灰馕吨覀儽仨氉?，或是我們需要去做。?dāng)我們出于責(zé)任心去做事情時(shí)，就會(huì)感覺(jué)像做一件家庭雜務(wù)。當(dāng)我們出于愛(ài)心去做事情，他們就會(huì)覺(jué)得是一種愉悅。所以你能做嗎？你想做嗎？

3) Turn them down like this and offer alternatives.
像這樣拒絕他們，并提供代替方案。

The actual saying No part can be the hardest step because your mind's program may tell you that you're selfish or you're a bad person for saying no. This is not true. You are saying no because you value yourself, your time, and your energy.
真正到了說(shuō)“不”的這一步實(shí)際上是最難的部分，因?yàn)槟愕拇竽X程序可能會(huì)告訴，你好自私，或是說(shuō)“不”的你是個(gè)壞人。這不是真的。你說(shuō)“不”是因?yàn)槟阏湎ё约?，珍惜你的時(shí)間和你的精力。

Saying no can look something like this:
像這樣說(shuō)“不”：

  • "I appreciate you thinking of me to watch your dog but unfortunately I'm not able to this weekend."
    “你能想到讓我來(lái)幫你照看狗狗我很感激，但不巧的是，我這周末沒(méi)時(shí)間?！?/div>

Notice how there was no long explanation or apology.
注意一下，這里如何沒(méi)有過(guò)長(zhǎng)的解釋或是道歉的。

  • If you would be willing to at a different time you could add, "Unfortunately I'm not able to this weekend, but I'd be open to watching Grover on one of your future trips.
    "如果你愿意換個(gè)時(shí)間幫她的話，你可以補(bǔ)充道，“不巧我這周末沒(méi)時(shí)間，但是下次你出遠(yuǎn)門的時(shí)候，我可以幫你照看格羅佛?！?/span>
  • Or "Unfortunately I'm not able to this weekend, but my friend Sally loves dogs and said she'd be around this weekend. Let me know if you'd like her number."
    或是“不巧的是我這周末沒(méi)時(shí)間，但是我朋友薩利很喜歡狗，而且她說(shuō)這周末有空。如果你想要她電話的話，請(qǐng)告訴我?！?/div>

There are various ways you can respond. Be loving, but firm. You don't need to explain anything.
有很多種你可以回復(fù)的辦法。充滿愛(ài)心但是堅(jiān)定不移。你不需要解釋任何多于的。

  • Offer alternate dates that might work. “I'm not able to make Thursday or Friday for dinner but I could do next Wednesday. Would that work for you?”
    提供改天的可能性?！拔抑芩幕蚴侵芪宄椴怀鰰r(shí)間來(lái)共進(jìn)晚餐，但是下周三我有空。這樣行嗎？”
  • Offer something that you would be comfortable with. "I'm not able to come early and decorate a table for the Christmas party but I'd be happy to pick up a pie at Jonah's bakery on my way.
    "提供你覺(jué)得舒服的方案，“要我早到裝飾圣誕派對(duì)餐桌不太可能哎，但是我來(lái)的時(shí)候，很愿意順道帶一只約拿面包屋的餡餅哦！

4) Simply say no, with a smile.
簡(jiǎn)單的說(shuō)“不”，帶上微笑。

  • "Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm not able to do that." Then smile.“
    謝謝你能想到我，不過(guò)我不能幫你了。”然后微笑。

By being able to say no in a loving way, it shows self-respect. When you're able to say no easily and without guilt, you might even find that you are more willing to volunteer and/or participate because when you do, it will be out of joy, not obligation.
充滿愛(ài)心的說(shuō)“不”，這展現(xiàn)自我尊重。當(dāng)你能夠簡(jiǎn)單說(shuō)“不”而且不抱怨負(fù)罪感的時(shí)候，你可能甚至發(fā)現(xiàn)，你更愿意自愿和/或加入，因?yàn)楫?dāng)你做這件事的時(shí)候是出于喜悅而非責(zé)任。