《英文天天寫》是滬江部落一檔寫作類節(jié)目，其目的在于提升大家的英語寫作能力。每期節(jié)目主持人都會給出一個話題，積極參加的童鞋還會得到主持人的專業(yè)點評哦！想提高英語寫作的童鞋千萬不要錯過哦！去滬江部落訂閱本節(jié)目！

背景介紹：

想像你經(jīng)過不懈的奮斗終于成為了一位單身的、帥氣的億萬富豪、商界巨子。某天，你邀請了初戀女友（現(xiàn)已為他人婦）參觀你的豪宅。這時，你還是想千方百計地再把她追到手，畢竟對于以前由于家境貧寒、遠隔千里之外而分手而心有不甘。而女主則對這位前男友也心存一絲曖昧之情。

話題：

寫一寫在帶她參觀豪宅的時候，二個人的內(nèi)心活動是怎么樣的、外在表現(xiàn)又是怎樣的？

男同學可以著重寫一下男主的內(nèi)心活動。女同學可以著重寫一下女主的內(nèi)心活動。

學霸、寫霸們可以兩者都著重一下。

范例1：

關于內(nèi)心活動的作文，是大部分同學的弱項，因為我們都習慣了去寫什么Argument, Analysis, Criticism, Trend, Report之類的”外向型“的作文，不過有時候還是要眼光“向內(nèi)”，寫一下我們自己的內(nèi)心活動。

今天節(jié)選Francis Scott Fitzgerald‘s ”The Great Gatsby“ Chapter 5, Gatsby邀請他的初戀Daisy參觀自己豪宅的片段，我們重點閱讀和學習一下大師是如何寫的。
Context:

我是一個普通單身男人，正巧住在Gatsby豪宅的隔壁。某天，Daisy應邀訪問我家，Gatsby知道后，專門派人幫我家剪草坪，布置客廳的花，甚至還把他家的芬蘭傭人連帶一些小吃和茶送到我家來專門服侍這次會見?？梢奊atsby對能再次見到Daisy真的是煞費苦心。

小說里是從我的角度來寫Gatsby, Daisy以及其他人的故事的，所以，Gatsby的人稱是He。高亮部分是描寫人物內(nèi)心活動的部分，重點關注!
好了，好戲開始了。先是發(fā)生在我家的情況：

Gatsby, his hands still in his pockets, was reclining against the mantelpiece in a strained counterfeit of perfect ease, even of boredom. (臉上掛著一副過于閑適愜意的樣子，以至于顯得有些無精打采。和初戀相見內(nèi)心真的是閑適愜意的嗎？后面會慢慢揭曉。）His head leaned back so far that it rested against the face of a defunct mantelpiece clock and from this position his distraught eyes stared down at Daisy (他一副心神不寧的樣子，低著頭盯著黛西。見到初戀還是心神不寧的，盡管腰纏萬貫）who was sitting frightened but graceful on the edge of a stiff chair. （女主是什么狀態(tài)？有些惶恐地坐在一把硬背椅子邊兒上，繼續(xù)保持著優(yōu)雅的姿態(tài)。沒想到在這里遇到了他？！stiff雖然是形容chair，但是女主見到Gatsby的時候恐怕內(nèi)心也是stiff的）。

"We've met before," muttered Gatsby. His eyes glanced momentarily at me and his lips parted with an abortive attempt at a laugh. （Gatsby小聲說道，然后朝我的方向看了一眼，張了張嘴，一抹笑容僵在嘴邊。這已經(jīng)是告訴我了，好好當好電燈泡）。Luckily the clock took this moment to tilt dangerously at the pressure of his head, whereupon he turned and caught it with trembling fingers and set it back in place（通過顫顫巍巍的手去扶座鐘來表現(xiàn)Gatsby的緊張，這也說明他閑適愜意的表現(xiàn)不是真實的）. Then he sat down, rigidly, his elbow on the arm of the sofa and his chin in his hand. (一般情況下，男生見到初戀的時候是不是都是這樣的表情的？）

"I'm sorry about the clock," he said. （Gatsby逐步走向正常，這里就用的是said，而不是上面的muttered了）

My own face had now assumed a deep tropical burn. (我的臉也憋得通紅) I couldn't muster up a single commonplace out of the thousand in my head. （盡管我的腦海里浮現(xiàn)出幾千句得體的客套話，但現(xiàn)在我是一句也說不出來。做個合格的電燈泡確實很難）

"It's an old clock," I told them idiotically. (呆呆地蹦出這么一句)

I think we all believed for a moment that it had smashed in pieces on the floor. (我想肯定有那么一瞬間我們?nèi)齻€都以為那座鐘已經(jīng)掉下來摔得粉碎了。美國式的幽默）

”We haven't met for many years," said Daisy, her voice as matter-of-fact as it could ever be. (Daisy盡量控制自己的聲音說。女主終于發(fā)話了,盡管略顯僵硬，但是并沒有把Gatsby拒之于千里之外。Gatsby顯然是受到了鼓舞，下面他接的話真是震驚四座）

"Five years next November." (Gatsby表達的意思是這么長時間我都是在想念著你！不僅僅是這么長時間沒見面)

The automatic quality of Gatsby's answer set us all back at least another minute. (Gatsby沒經(jīng)過思考便脫口答道，他的回答讓我們大家有楞了將近一分鐘。大家都清楚了這個會面也許不是見面這么簡單）I had them both on their feet with the desperate suggestion that they help me make tea in the kitchen when the demonic Finn brought it in on a tray. (為了緩解尷尬，我馬上想到讓他們到廚房去幫我準備茶，他倆聽了我的建議馬上從位子上站了起來，而就在這時，我的芬蘭女傭人如魔鬼般剛好端著托盤把茶送到客廳里。好建議，雖然沒成功，但是為后來Gatsby和Daisy獨處埋下了伏筆。作者一句話內(nèi)用2個從句把很多事情寫得簡簡單單。）

Amid the welcome confusion of cups and cakes a certain physical decency established themselves. (在這陣及時的忙亂中，一切又重新恢復了正常。此處，作者的筆力驚人啊。簡單的一句一個回合就結(jié)束了，又準備下一個高潮了) Gatsby got himself into a shadow and while Daisy and I talked looked conscientiously from one to the other of us with tense unhappy eyes. (Daisy是到我家做客的，當然我們要好好聊聊。你看我們在聊的時候Gatsby的臉色如何？Gatsby便緊張而凄楚地盯著我們，眼光從我們兩人身上移來移去）However, as calmness wasn't an end in itself I made an excuse at the first possible moment and got to my feet. (然而，安排這場下午茶的目的并不是尋求此刻的平靜，于是我不斷尋找機會，想個措辭就離開。小伙子有眼力勁。這里作者用一個However就引出了下一段變化）

“Where are you going?" demanded Gatsby in immediate alarm. （變得驚慌失措）

"I'll be back."

"I've got to speak to you about something before you go."

He followed me wildly into the kitchen, closed the door and whispered: "Oh, God!" in a miserable way.

"What's the matter."

"This is a terrible mistake," he said, shaking his head from side to side, "a terrible, terrible mistake." (Gatsby此時還是沒有自信）

”You're just embarrassed, that's all," and luckily I added: "Daisy's embarrassed too." (這哥們兒說了關鍵的一個情況，’Daisy也是害羞的’，有害羞就是還有些想法，不害羞就沒戲了）

“She's embarrassed?" he repeated incredulously.

"Just as much as you are."

"Don't talk so loud." (Gatsby被打了雞血）

"You're acting like a little boy," I broke out impatiently. "Not only that but you're rude. Daisy's sitting in there all alone." (Daisy孤零零的坐在那兒，你還不去陪她？多善解人意的電燈泡啊?。?/p>

He raised his hand to stop my words, looked at me with unforgettable reproach and opening the door cautiously went back into the other room. (滿臉哀怨的瞪了我一眼便顫顫巍巍的開門重新回客廳去了。經(jīng)過了一番凌亂的初見，終于Gatsby和Daisy單獨會面了。這個過程作者寫得自然、得體又不失幽默)
。。。此處略去。。。字，主要寫我在外面逛的所見所想。。。

I went in - after making every possible noise in the kitchen, short of pushing over the stove (盡量發(fā)出大動靜，就差沒掀爐灶了)- but I don't believe they heard a sound. (美式幽默) They were sitting at either end of the couch looking at each other as if some question had been asked, or was in the air, and every vestige of embarrassment was gone. (好像詢問了一些問題，抑或有些問題沒說出口，屋子里沒有了一開始的尷尬氣氛。先寫氣氛，再寫各自人物的內(nèi)心活動和狀態(tài)，這是寫作的一個不二法門）Daisy's face was smeared with tears, and when I came in she jumped up and began wiping at it with her handkerchief before a mirror. (Daisy的臉上布滿淚痕)

But there was a change in Gatsby that was simply confounding. (然而和Daisy不同，Gatsby卻和之前有了極為明顯的變化。在寫2個人的表情的時候，最好用對比連接，這也是不二法門）He literally glowed;without a word or a gesture of exultation a new well-being radiated from him and filled the little room. (他現(xiàn)在可以說是閃耀這耀眼的光芒。盡管他沒說出什么表達此刻內(nèi)心喜悅的話語，但他的周圍，都洋溢著一種從未見過的幸福感，將這件不大的房間充盈的滿滿的。男人在時隔多年又將重新得到自己心愛女人的時候的一個特殊的表現(xiàn)－ 光芒！而女人的表現(xiàn)呢？－淚水?。?/p>

"It stopped raining."

"Has it?" When he realized what I was talking about, that there were twinkle-bells of sunshine in the room, he smiled like a weather man, like a ecstatic patron of recurrent light, and repeated the news to Daisy. "What do you think of that?It stopped raining." （他聽清楚我說的意思，發(fā)現(xiàn)陽光已經(jīng)透過窗子照進了客廳，他立刻像天氣預報員一樣，又或是剛剛從因語種回到光明，重新受到神的庇佑一樣，臉上露出一抹笑容。。。氣氛和內(nèi)心活動結(jié)合的多好！更加強調(diào)他周身散發(fā)出的光芒）
“I‘m glad, Jay." Her throat, full of aching, grieving beauty, told only of her unexpected joy. (雖然她的聲音聽起來哀婉動聽，但流露出的只有發(fā)自內(nèi)心的喜悅。說了男主，這時候是說女主的情況了?，F(xiàn)在她已經(jīng)沒有frightened， stiff，而是joy略帶些哀婉)

"I want you and Daisy to come over to my house," he said, "I'd like to show her around." (男主、女主說完，我怎么辦呢？電燈泡繼續(xù)當下去！)
。。。此處省略Daisy上樓補妝的時候我和Gatsby關于如何他如何掙錢買下豪宅的對話。。。

Before I could answer, Daisy came out of the house and two rows of brass buttons on her dress gleamed in the sunlight. (到處都是光芒。不斷地在各種情況下烘托氣氛，也是寫作的不二法門）。

”That huge place there?" she cried pointing. (你是住在那邊的大房子里嗎？)

"Do you like it?"

"I love it, but I don't see how you live there all alone."

"I keep it always full of interesting people, night and day. People who do interesting things. Celebrated people." (豪宅還需名人相配，才顯出不只是個土豪)
。。。此處略去他們在路上的所見的城堡漂亮的輪廓，以及路邊漂亮的各種花和鳥的叫聲。。。大家可以讀一讀。。。這也是在烘托男主和女主內(nèi)心高興的氣氛。

。。。進豪宅了。。。

And inside, as we wandered through Marie Antoinette music rooms and Restoration salons, I felt that there were guests concealed behind every couch and table, under orders to be breathlessly silent until we had passed through. As Gatsby closed the door of "the Merton College Library" I could have sworn I heard the owl-eyed man break into ghostly laughter. (豪宅要有名人相配才能顯出男主、女主的身份和地位.看看作者是如何體現(xiàn)出名人的？用比喻! 這也是寫作的不二法門, 看看這幾段作者用了多少like, as if, feel)

We went upstairs, through period bedrooms swathed in rose and lavender silk and vivid with new flowers, through dressing rooms and poolrooms, and bathrooms with sunken baths - intruding into one chamber where a dishevelled man in pajamas was doing liver exercise on the floor. It was Mr. Klipspringer, the "boarder." I had seen him wandering hungrily about the beach that morning. Finally, we came to Gatsby's apartment, a bedroom and a bath and an Adam study, where we sat down and drank a glass of some Charteuse he took from a cupboard in the wall. (參觀完了豪宅，落定，下面是一些內(nèi)心活動了。）

He hadn't ceased looking at Daisy and I think he revalued everything in his house according to the measure of response it drew from her well-loved eyes. Sometimes, too, he stared around at his possessions in a dazed way as though in her actual and astounding presence none of it was any longer real. Once he nearly toppled down a flight of stairs.(在我們參觀房子的時候，他片刻不離地在Daisy旁邊，眼睛更是沒有從她身上離開。因此，我猜想他已經(jīng)根據(jù)Daisy眼中的反應把這棟房子里的所有東西重新一一估價。有時候，他也會有些迷茫地看著屋里的擺設，仿佛在真人Daisy的面前，周圍所有的一切都變得暗淡無光甚至變得虛幻、不真實了。作者是怎么體現(xiàn)出Gatsby對Daisy的喜愛之情的？－簡單直接：眼光一直不停得在Daisy身上，并且按照Daisy的喜好為自己家里的東西重新估值?？吹紻aisy非常喜歡自己的豪宅，Gatsby有些如釋重負的感覺。)

His bedroom was the simplest room of all - except where the dresser was garnished with toilet set of pure dull gold. Daisy took the brush with delight and smoothed her hair, whereupon Gatsby sat down and shaded his eyes and began to laugh.

"It's the funniest thing, old sport," he said hilariously. "I can't -when I try to -" (從Daisy的delight， hilariously來看，她已經(jīng)非常喜歡這里，甚至有些迫不及待了.)

He had passed visibly through two states and was entering upon a third. After his embarrassment and his unreasoning joy he was consumed with wonder at her presence. He had been full of the idea so long dreamed it right through to the end, waited with his teeth set, so to speak, at an inconceivable pitch of intensity. Now, in the reaction, he was running down like an overwound clock. （很明顯，他已經(jīng)經(jīng)過了兩種精神狀態(tài)，現(xiàn)在開始進入第三個階段。他從最開始的緊張與不安，到后來的欣喜若狂，而現(xiàn)在他又因為終于見到了她而激動驚訝到不能自己了。眼前的景象是他多年的夢想，每一天都幻想著，在期待與失落中過日子，他的感情已經(jīng)強烈到常人無法理解的程度。眼下，那股強烈的感情卻使他沉寂了下來，因為他已經(jīng)和一個法條上得太緊的時鐘一樣，在放松下來的那刻變馬上精疲力盡了。這一段總結(jié)Gatsby的內(nèi)心活動寫得極好。為什么作者之前強調(diào)了’His bedroom was the simplest room'? -更加強調(diào)Daisy對豪宅的喜歡，最簡樸的房間都delight，其他的不是更不用說了嗎？這也是寫作的不二法門：用對比，強烈的對比。看來，見到初戀，除了光芒，還是有精神上精疲力盡的時候?。?。
。。。后面還有一些參觀豪宅的文字。這里就不欣賞了。大家可以讀一讀。看看大師是怎么寫的。。。閱讀的時候，把自己放到那個情景里，想想我在那個情況下，我會什么樣的內(nèi)心活動，如何表達？
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