People often think they're talking to each other when they're really talking past each other. They carry on monologues, not dialogues.
人們經(jīng)常認(rèn)為自己在和對(duì)方交流，但實(shí)際上他們并沒(méi)有在溝通。他們?cè)诔?dú)角戲，而不是在對(duì)話(huà)。

There is a biological explanation for this: when we express ourselves, our bodies release a higher level of reward hormones, and we feel great. The more we talk, the better we feel. While we're being rewarded, the people we're talking to might consciously or subconsciously feel cut off, invisible, unimportant, and rejected, which releases the same neurochemicals as physical pain.
這種情況在生物學(xué)上的解釋是：當(dāng)我們表達(dá)自己觀點(diǎn)時(shí)，身體中期待回報(bào)的荷爾蒙就會(huì)更高，自我感覺(jué)就會(huì)很好。我們說(shuō)得越多，這種感覺(jué)也會(huì)越強(qiáng)。當(dāng)我們覺(jué)得自己在表達(dá)時(shí)得到了回報(bào)，和我們對(duì)話(huà)的人會(huì)有意識(shí)、或潛意識(shí)中覺(jué)得被隔絕、被忽視，被認(rèn)為不重要和被拒絕，他們的體內(nèi)會(huì)產(chǎn)生一種和身體疼痛一樣的神經(jīng)化學(xué)物質(zhì)。

Recognize your blind spots.
請(qǐng)記住你以前沒(méi)注意到的部分。

Stop
停止做以下事

1. Assuming that others see what you see, feel what you feel, and think what you think, since that's rarely the case.
1. 假設(shè)別人見(jiàn)你所見(jiàn)、感你所感、想你所想，因?yàn)槭聦?shí)很少會(huì)這樣。

2. Failing to recognize that emotions, such as fear and distrust, change how you and others interpret and talk about reality.
2.?沒(méi)有意識(shí)到有些情緒，比如說(shuō)害怕和不信任，給你和其他人在理解上和談?wù)撌聦?shí)時(shí)帶來(lái)的變化。

3. Thinking you understand and remember what others say, when you really only remember what you think about what they've said.
3. 認(rèn)為你理解而且記得別人說(shuō)的話(huà)，但實(shí)際上你只是記得你認(rèn)為他們說(shuō)過(guò)的話(huà)。

4. Underestimating your own propensity to have conversational blind spots!
4. 低估你在對(duì)話(huà)中產(chǎn)生盲點(diǎn)的傾向。

Start
開(kāi)始做以下事

1. Paying attention to and minimizing the time you "own" the conversational space.
1. 要注意把你主導(dǎo)對(duì)話(huà)的時(shí)間縮到最小。

2. Sharing that space by asking open-ended discovery questions, to which you don't know the answers, so you stay curious (i.e. What influenced your thinking?)
2. 通過(guò)問(wèn)開(kāi)放式的問(wèn)題來(lái)分享談話(huà)的空間，你不知道問(wèn)題的答案，所以能保持好奇心（比如說(shuō)：你的思維會(huì)受什么影響？）。

3. Listening non-judgmentally to the answers
3. 不帶個(gè)人色彩地傾聽(tīng)別人的答案。

4. Asking follow-up questions
4.?跟進(jìn)問(wèn)題。

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