三、習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　[2004年全國中學(xué)生英語能力競賽初賽初三組] (14分)

　　Choose one of your hobbies and write an article for the school magazine about it. Tell the magazine readers.

　　·What exactly your hobby is;

　　·When and how you became interested in this hobby;

　　·Why you enjoy your hobby;

　　·About your hopes and plans for the future.

　　寫作要求：

　　1.根據(jù)所提供的內(nèi)容，適當(dāng)拓展想象空間，靈活地將提供的信息體現(xiàn)在文章中。

　　2.條理清楚，語句通順，書寫清晰、規(guī)范。

　　3.詞數(shù)60-80.

　　[學(xué)生習(xí)作A]

　　My hobby is read books①.When I was seven years old.I became interested in reading books.I like needing books because there are a lot of useful things in books.I can learn a lot of knowledge from books. Books also② can teach me how to be a good person.Books even can solve many problems for me.I will read more good books to improve myself.

　?、俑臑閞eading books，動(dòng)詞作表語時(shí)應(yīng)該用動(dòng)名詞。

　?、赼lso的位置應(yīng)放在can之后。

　　[點(diǎn)評(píng)]：檔次9-11分。

　?、僖c(diǎn)不全，漏掉最后一個(gè)要點(diǎn)。

　　②句子基本無誤，能正確傳遞信息給讀者但文章不流暢，句子與句子之間過渡不自然，給讀者感覺在回答上述問題。

　?、塾猩倭垮e(cuò)誤。

　　[學(xué)生習(xí)作B]

　　My hobby is reading.Reading books is very enjoyable.When I was young ,my mother used to tell me a story before.I went to bed every night.The stories were so interesting that I always felt they weren’t enough.So I began to read books by myself.Little by little I became interested in reading.I can learn much knowledge and many interesting things all over the world.When I read books,I can enjoy the beautiful sentences.At the same time I can improve my writing.I want to be a writer in the future,so I must study hard and read more books so that my dream can come true.

　?、匍_門見山、點(diǎn)題。

　?、谡媲榱髀叮碛沙浞?。

　　③文中帶圈的連詞使用得恰當(dāng)，使文章過渡自然、

　?、芮擅钍褂镁湫鸵员頉Q心。

　　[點(diǎn)評(píng)]：檔次13-14分。

　　①清楚表達(dá)寫作目的，要點(diǎn)齊全。

　?、谡Z言表達(dá)靈活多樣，字里行間流露出真情實(shí)感，文章有感染力。

　?、矍‘?dāng)使用連詞和從句，語言流暢，且無錯(cuò)誤，是一篇高質(zhì)量的作文。

　　[高分突破]

　?、傥捏w：記敘文。

　?、谝c(diǎn)：what → when →how → why → hope and plan for the future.

　　③時(shí)態(tài)：一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)，一般過去時(shí)，一般將來時(shí)的自然變化。

　　內(nèi)容具有開放性，但它也是“控制性”的寫作試題，因此不能隨意發(fā)揮，要善于抓信息，寫完要點(diǎn)。選用這兩篇學(xué)生真實(shí)習(xí)作，一是因?yàn)樗麄冞x材相同，二是因?yàn)樗麄兌际怯⒄Z成績優(yōu)秀的同學(xué)。同學(xué)B靈活使用連詞so…that,so,little by little,when,so that等，恰到好處地使用新句型和短語used to,became interested in,come true……等，使內(nèi)容豐富，讀起來優(yōu)美流暢。其實(shí)這些表達(dá)同學(xué)A也會(huì)，只是缺乏技術(shù)加工。通過這兩篇作文點(diǎn)評(píng)，同學(xué)們便能悟出其中的奧妙。