Asking someone to help you out can be ridiculously stressful.
向別人尋求幫助時(shí)可能壓力山大.
What if they feel like you're bothering them? Or using them? What if they say no, or worse, don't even bother responding?
我是不是很煩人?會(huì)不會(huì)覺(jué)得我在利用他的好意?會(huì)不會(huì)被拒,甚至連鳥(niǎo)都不鳥(niǎo)我?
Those are all real possibilities (sorry). But you can increase the likelihood of getting the help you need and having the other person feel good about it by deploying what psychologists call the "rule for reciprocation."
這種擔(dān)心也不是多余的(抱歉哈)。但總有兩全其美的做法，讓你更有可能得到幫助，幫你的人也樂(lè)在其中：心理學(xué)家稱其為“交互作用法”。
In his new book "Pre-Suasion," the psychologist Robert Cialdini defines the rule: "People say yes to those they owe." In other words, if you want someone's assistance, do something useful for them first.
心理學(xué)家Robert Cialdini在新書(shū)《提前的“說(shuō)服”》中為此原理下了定義“因?yàn)槟萌耸侄?，所以無(wú)法拒絕?！睋Q句話說(shuō)就是，若要人幫你，你要先幫人。
Cialdini is careful to note that the rule doesn't always work — after all, you could catch someone on a particularly bad day. But generally, it does.
Cialdini特別提醒到這條原理并不是對(duì)誰(shuí)都好用——畢竟事事有萬(wàn)一。但是總體而言，這法則還是極好用的。
A classic example of the rule for reciprocation is a 2002 study of waiters at a restaurant in Ithaca, New York, which Cialdini cites in "Pre-Suasion."
2002年紐約伊薩卡島某餐廳的侍者研究作為交互作用法的經(jīng)典案例被Cialdini收錄于新書(shū)中。
In the first of two experiments, some waiters handed customers the check and offered each one the opportunity to select a chocolate from a basket; others delivered the check alone. Waiters who handed out chocolate saw their tips go up by about 3%.
第一個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)中，餐廳里的一些服務(wù)員在遞給顧客賬單的同時(shí)請(qǐng)他們各自從籃子里挑一塊巧克力作為禮物；其他服務(wù)員只遞賬單給自己服務(wù)的顧客。結(jié)果是前者獲得的小費(fèi)均增加了約3%。
In a second experiment, some waiters invited customers to take two pieces of chocolate. Their tips went up by about 14%. Other waiters invited customers to take one piece of chocolate, turned to leave, then stopped and offered customers the chance to take a second piece of chocolate. In that case, their tips went up about 21%.
第二個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)的內(nèi)容是安排一些服務(wù)生讓顧客挑兩塊巧克力帶走，隨之而來(lái)的是小費(fèi)增長(zhǎng)14%；而其他服務(wù)生套路更深，他們讓顧客先挑一塊巧克力，然后自己離開(kāi)，之后又折返回來(lái)，告訴顧客他們還能再挑一塊兒。這樣一來(lái)這些服務(wù)生的小費(fèi)竟增長(zhǎng)了21%。
The researchers say the reciprocity rule explains their findings — people felt obligated to return the act of generosity. In "Pre-Suasion," Cialdini explains that customers gave higher tips in the last condition because the second piece of chocolate was meaningful and unexpected.
實(shí)驗(yàn)者稱交互作用法使這項(xiàng)研究的最好解釋——人們?cè)诮邮芩丝犊蟾杏X(jué)自己有義務(wù)作出回報(bào)。書(shū)中，Cialdini解釋說(shuō)最后一種情況小費(fèi)增長(zhǎng)最多的原因是，人們認(rèn)為那第二塊兒巧克力是有所含義的，是意料之外的。
Here's an example of how you could put the rule into action: Let's say you want a coworker to proofread a project report before you submit it to management. A few days before, consider asking that coworker if you can pick up dinner for her when you're both staying late at the office.
所以這就告訴你怎么活學(xué)活用：假設(shè)你想讓同事幫你把項(xiàng)目報(bào)告校讀一遍再交給上頭，那么你應(yīng)早有預(yù)謀：提前幾天的時(shí)間，找一個(gè)你們倆人都加晚班的時(shí)候，主動(dòng)提出負(fù)責(zé)她的晚餐。
The key part is reminding your coworker that she can return the favor, Cialdini told The Harvard Business Review in 2013. Instead of saying, "no big deal" when she thanks you for grabbing an extra sandwich, Cialdini recommends saying something like, "Of course; it's what partners do for each other."
?“關(guān)鍵一點(diǎn)在于提示你的同事回報(bào)自己的好意并不難”Robert Cialdini在2013年的一期哈佛商業(yè)評(píng)論中說(shuō)到，在幫同事 “順手”帶個(gè)三明治后，與其說(shuō)“沒(méi)啥大不了的”不如說(shuō)“這是我應(yīng)該做的，誰(shuí)讓咱倆是同事呢?！?/div>
This strategy takes a lot of the pressure out of asking for favors. Presumably, once you help someone out, you'll feel like you deserve their help and won't worry so much about annoying them. Meanwhile, they'll probably feel like they owe you one and won't think twice about giving you what you need.
這個(gè)策略肯定能在尋求幫助時(shí)幫你減輕不少負(fù)擔(dān)?？梢灶A(yù)見(jiàn)的是，只要幫助了他人，你自己都覺(jué)得別人幫回來(lái)也是情理之中。同時(shí)，他們可能因?yàn)槭艿綆椭蟾杏X(jué)有欠于你，而想都不想就響應(yīng)你的需要呢。