輕松搞怪的英語笑話希望在午后為大家?guī)硪唤z笑意，商人用幽默的話語化解了剛剛的緊張，制造了輕松的氛圍。一起來看看她是怎么說的呢？

今天小編帶來了這樣一個(gè)幽默小故事：有個(gè)外國姑娘去冰上釣魚，卻一而再再而三地聽到了一個(gè)奇怪的聲音！聽上去有點(diǎn)滲得慌，到底是怎么回事呢？一起看看吧。

　　有時(shí)候自我介紹更幽默才會吸引到大家的眼球，展示自己的能力，讓大家愿意交朋友，那么我們怎么寫呢？ 　　大家好! 　　歡迎光臨我們大連，我就是大連旅游屆最富有才華、英俊瀟灑、玉樹臨風(fēng)、風(fēng)流倜儻、高大威猛、人稱山崩地裂水倒流鬼見愁、美貌與智慧結(jié)合、英雄與俠義化身、人見人愛、車見車載，為司機(jī)師傅可以兩肋叉倒，為客人可以叉師傅兩刀，呵呵 　　跟大家開個(gè)玩笑啊，活躍一下我們車?yán)锏臍鈶?。我叫XXX是大家本次在大連的導(dǎo)游，大家可以叫我小X，很高興在這茫茫人海中與大家相遇，我相信這是我們的緣分，俗話說的好百年修得同船度，咱們也是百年修得同車緣。既然大家在大連遇見我為大家服務(wù)，我一定會讓大家玩的開心、玩的盡興。希望我們的服務(wù)會給你們帶來，在家千日好、出門也不難的感覺````` 　　現(xiàn)在我以一首歌來開始我們的行程啦。大家請鼓起您的金掌、銀掌、仙人掌、為我小X鼓鼓掌。(唱歌)介紹行程。

when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me．I've been limping for the last half hour．” 有一天，人們看見一個(gè)有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走，他的一只腳一直踏在街溝里，另一只腳踩在人行道上。 一個(gè)碰見他的學(xué)生說： “晚安，老師。您怎么了？” “啊，”這位老師回答說：“我想我離開家的時(shí)候還挺好的，可是現(xiàn)在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已經(jīng)一瘸一拐走了半個(gè)小時(shí)了?！?

Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae（蟬）. Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻擋) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to （意識）her blame, replied at ease（從容）: " I' m akimbo." 像大多數(shù)別的小孩一樣，兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛洗手，吃東西弄臟手，隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便習(xí)慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想干什么？”她馬上意識到問題所在，從容答道：“我叉腰?！?

A poor man， presenting himself before the King of Spain，asked his charity， telling him that he was his brother． Theking desiring to know how he claimed kindred to him， the poorfellow replied，“We are all descended from one common fatherand mother—viz．， Adam and Eve．” Upon which the kinggave him a little copper piece of money． The poor man beganto bemoan himself， saying，“Is it possible that your Majestyshould give no more than this to your brother？”“Away，away，”replies the king；“if all the brothers you have in theworld give you as much as I have done， you'll be richer than Iam．” 一個(gè)窮漢去見西班牙國王，說自己是他的兄弟，求他施恩周濟(jì)。國王想知道他何以攀認(rèn)親戚，窮漢回答說，“我們有共同的祖先——亞當(dāng)和夏娃?！甭犃诉@話，國王就給了他一個(gè)小銅子兒。于是窮人開始叫屈，說：“難道您國王陛下就給兄弟這么一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)錢嗎？”“走開，快走，”國王回答，“如果世界上你所有的兄弟們都像我這樣給你一個(gè)銅板，你就比我還有錢了?！?

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?""Sure. That's easy," said one man."What is it?""H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.""What, what?" reasked the instructor."H to O," explained the chemistry expert. 生化戰(zhàn)爭課的老師在課堂上問士兵們：“誰知道水的分子式？”“當(dāng)然，太簡單了。”一個(gè)士兵回答道。“是什么？”“H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”“什么，什么？”老師又問道。“H to O，”化學(xué)專家解釋道。

[en]One day, a?father?and his little?son?were going home. At this age, the boy was?interested?in all?kinds?of things and was always asking?questions.[/en][cn]一天，父親與小兒子一塊兒回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。[/cn] [en]Now, he asked, "What's the?meaning?of the?word?'Drunk', dad?"[/en][cn]他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？”[/cn] [en]"Well, my son," his father?replied, "look, there are?standing?two?policemen. If I?regard?the two policemen as four then I am drunk."[/en][cn]“唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。”[/cn] ? [en]"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"[/en][cn]“可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！”[/cn] ? 　

[en]"You can't?imagine?how?difficult?it is for me to?deal?with my wife," the man?complained?to his friend.“[/en][cn]你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對他的朋友訴苦說，[/cn] [en]"She asks me a?question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.“[/en][cn]她問我一個(gè)問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的?！盵/cn] 　

過敏。生日那天，我正在干園藝活時(shí)，丈夫問我想要什么禮物。我舉起雙手說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的?！盵/cn] [en]Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.[/en][cn]那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物?！吧湛鞓?”他說。我打開一看：里面包著一雙園藝手套?！/cn]