雨前
Praying For Rainfall

何其芳
He Qifang

| 譯文摘自張培基《英譯中國散文選二》

最后的鴿群帶著低弱的笛聲在微風(fēng)里劃一個(gè)圈子后，也消失了。也許是誤認(rèn)這灰暗的凄冷的天空為夜色的來襲，或是也預(yù)感到風(fēng)雨的將至，遂過早地飛回它們溫暖的木舍。
The last flock of pigeons have also gone out of sight after doing their final circling in the soft breeze, the sound of their whistles barely audible. They are hastening back to their warm wooden dovecote earlier than usual perhaps because they have mistaken the bleak leaden sky for nightfall or because of their presentiment of a storm.

要點(diǎn)：
1，此題目可譯為Before the Rain, 現(xiàn)按久旱盼甘霖的主題，把它譯為praying for the rain,其中，praying for 的意思是”求“或”祈禱“
2，“帶著低弱的笛聲“譯為the sound of their whistles barely audible，即”勉強(qiáng)能聽到“或”幾乎聽不到“，譯為faint sound of their whistle也是可以的，張培基中還提供了一種譯法，即the sound of the whistle trailing off, 但我認(rèn)為不如前兩種確切。
3，hasten to someplace意即趕往某地，之前見到過~
4，誤認(rèn)為=mistaken for

綜述：
本文的妙處在于大量擬人的運(yùn)用。作者托物言志，借景抒情，流露出不滿現(xiàn)實(shí)，的心態(tài)。而擬人體現(xiàn)在翻譯中，大部分是通過動(dòng)詞的運(yùn)用,本段還有presentiment等詞，也給文章增色不少。

幾天的陽光在柳條上撤下的一抹嫩綠，被塵土埋掩得有憔悴色了，是需要一次洗滌。還有干裂的大地和樹根也早已期待著雨。雨卻遲疑著。
The willow twigs, daubed with a light green by several days of sunshine, are now covered all over with the dust and look so sickly that they need to be washed. And the perched soil and tree roots have likewise been dying for rainfall. Yet the rain is reluctant to come down.

要點(diǎn)：
1，“幾天的陽光在柳條上撤下的一抹嫩綠，被塵土埋掩得有憔悴色了，是需要一次洗滌?！白g為The willow twigs, daubed with a light green by several days of sunshine, are now covered all over with the dust and look so sickly that they need to be washed.此處作者采取了順譯的方法，重點(diǎn)注意譯者對”灑下“”埋掩“的處理~這句話中的嫩綠也可以直譯為柳條上的枝葉。譯為the light green willow leaves brought on by several days of sunshine now, covered all over with dust ,look so sickly and hence need to be washed.
2,期待著=dying for, 與前文的pray for相呼應(yīng)，與主題相呼應(yīng)；遲疑著即“不愿意下“=be reluctant to

綜述：注意譯者對于細(xì)節(jié)描寫的處理，dying for,和be reluctant to,生動(dòng)貼切~

我懷想著故鄉(xiāng)的雷聲和雨聲。那隆隆的有力的搏擊，從山谷返響到山谷，仿佛春之芽就從凍土里震動(dòng)，驚醒，而怒茁出來。細(xì)草樣柔的雨絲又以溫存之手撫摸它，使它簇生油綠的枝葉而開出紅色的花。這些懷想如鄉(xiāng)愁一樣縈繞得使我憂郁了。我心里的氣候也和這北方大陸一樣缺少雨量，一滴溫柔的淚在我枯澀的眼里，如遲疑在這陰沉的天空里的雨點(diǎn)，久不落下。
I can never forget the thunderstorm we often had in my home town. Over there, whenever the rumble of thunder reverberated across the valley, the buds of spring would seem to sprout freely after being disturbed and roused up from their slumber in the frozen soil. Then tenderly stroked by the soft hands of fine rain, they would put forth bright green leaves and pink flowers. It makes me nostalgic and melancholy to think about the old times and my mind is as depressed as the vast expanse of North China is thirsty. A tear stands in my dull eye and, like the rain lingering in the murky sky, is slow to roll down.

要點(diǎn)：
1，“那隆隆的有力的搏擊，從山谷返響到山谷，仿佛春之芽就從凍土里震動(dòng)，驚醒，而怒茁出來?！白g為Over there, whenever the rumble of thunder reverberated across the valley, the buds of spring would seem to sprout freely after being disturbed and roused up from their slumber in the frozen soil. 原文中的3個(gè)動(dòng)詞?！闭駝?dòng)驚醒，和怒茁“其實(shí)是遞升的關(guān)系，張先生在翻譯時(shí)同時(shí)運(yùn)用了主動(dòng)語態(tài)和被動(dòng)語態(tài)，使得原文的遞升意義不復(fù)存在?，F(xiàn)提供另一段譯文。Those mighty crashes rumbled and reverberated from mountain valley to mountain valley, as if the new shoots of spring were shaking in the frozen gound, awakening, and bursting forth with a terrifying vigour.。這段譯文很好地體現(xiàn)了遞升的手法，同學(xué)們可以對比記憶。
2，“細(xì)草樣柔的雨絲又以溫存之手撫摸它，使它簇生油綠的枝葉而開出紅色的花。“突出地使用書面語或文學(xué)性詞匯，也是本文的特色之一，加之這句話既有通感，又有擬人，因此在選詞方面要尤為注意
3，“我心里的氣候也和這北方大陸一樣缺少雨量“不宜按字面直譯，可理解為” 我的心情抑郁，和北方大地干旱達(dá)到同樣嚴(yán)重的程度?！皩⑵浔扔鞯囊馑挤鰜?，譯為my mind is as depressed as the vast expanse of North China is thirsty.
4，“久不落下“漢語的否定結(jié)果比較單純，否定詞只有“不”、“非”、“否”、“勿”、“別”、“無”、“未”、“莫”、“不是”、“沒有”、“決不”、“毫無”、“幾乎沒有”、“幾乎不”等簡單的詞匯，漢語的傳統(tǒng)是傾向于動(dòng)詞否定。
而英語的否定除借助詞匯手段外，還借助句子結(jié)構(gòu)和特殊表達(dá)方式來表達(dá)否定概念，既有動(dòng)詞否定，也有名詞否定的習(xí)慣。
此處譯者譯為is slow to roll down, 是使用系表結(jié)構(gòu)~表達(dá)了了形式上肯定，意義上否定的方法。

綜述：
注意本段講的否定句的譯法~實(shí)際翻譯時(shí)為了符合英語表達(dá)習(xí)慣，我們可以“形肯意否“或采取否定轉(zhuǎn)移的方法~

白色的鴨也似有一點(diǎn)煩躁了，有不潔的顏色的都市的河溝里傳出它們焦急的叫聲。有的還未厭倦那船一樣的徐徐的劃行。有的卻倒插它們的長頸在水里，紅色的蹼趾伸在尾后，不停地?fù)鋼糁灾С稚眢w的平衡。不知是在尋找溝底的細(xì)微食物，還是貪那深深的水里的寒冷。
White ducks have also become somewhat impatient. Some are sending out irritated quacks from the turbid waters of an urban creek. Some keep swimming leisurely and tirelessly like a slow boat. Some have their long necks submerged headfirst in the water while sticking up their webbed feet behind their tails and splashing them desperately so as to keep their balance. There is no knowing if they are searching for tiny bits of food from the bottom of the creek or just enjoying the chill of the deep water.

要點(diǎn)：
在處理多層定語句“有不潔的顏色的都市的河溝里傳出它們焦急的叫聲“是譯者采用了后置定語來翻譯，譯為the turbid waters of an urban creek，
2，第二個(gè)多層定語句“那船一樣的徐徐的劃行“譯者巧妙地按其功能處理為了方式狀語
swimming leisurely and tirelessly like a slow boat
3，“不知是在尋找溝底的細(xì)微食物，還是貪那深深的水里的寒冷。“中的”不知…”=there is no knowing…,并且對于“寒冷”一詞的處理也比較貼切。

綜述：
漢語定語一般為前置，而且很少使用超過兩層以上的多層定語，這是漢語的傳統(tǒng)。在英語翻譯語言的影響下，現(xiàn)代漢語的多層前置定語已經(jīng)成為普遍現(xiàn)象。與漢語相比，英語名詞常常有多層定語限制，這些定語或前置或后置，或前后合并使用。明白了這些漢英差異，做起翻譯也會(huì)稍微得心應(yīng)手。

有幾個(gè)已上岸了。在柳樹下來回地作紳士的散步，舒息劃行的疲勞。然后參差地站著，用嘴細(xì)細(xì)地?fù)崂硭鼈儽轶w白色的羽毛，間或又搖動(dòng)身子或撲展著闊翅，使那綴在羽毛間的水珠墜落。一個(gè)已修飾完畢的，彎曲它的頸到背上，長長的紅嘴藏沒在翅膀里，靜靜合上它白色的茸毛間的小黑眼，仿佛準(zhǔn)備睡眠?？蓱z的小動(dòng)物，你就是這樣做你的夢嗎?
Some of them stagger out of the water and, to relieve their fatigue, begin to saunter up and down with a gentleman-like swagger in the shade of the willow trees. Then, they stand about to preen their white plumage carefully. Occasionally they give themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers. One of them, after grooming itself, turns round its neck to rest on the back, then buries its long red beak under its wings and quietly closes its small black eyes tucked away among the white find hair. Apparently it is getting ready to sleep. Poor little creature, is that the way you sleep?

要點(diǎn)：
1，“有幾個(gè)已上岸了?！弊g為Some of them stagger out of the water，其中stagger較come更加可取，因根據(jù)Longman詞典，swagger一詞作為動(dòng)詞的意思是to walk with a swinging movement, as if proud大搖大擺地走; 趾高氣揚(yáng)地走；作為名詞的意思是 proud manner of walking昂首闊步；趾高氣揚(yáng)的走路姿態(tài)。
2，“然后參差地站著，用嘴細(xì)細(xì)地?fù)崂硭鼈儽轶w白色的羽毛，間或又搖動(dòng)身子或撲展著闊翅，使那綴在羽毛間的水珠墜落。”在此譯者譯為Then, they stand about to preen their white plumage carefully. Occasionally they give themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers.兩個(gè)分句，我們也可以將原句以“站”、“撫理”、“搖動(dòng)”、“撲展”等并列動(dòng)詞構(gòu)成的一句，從語法的角度可以理解為一個(gè)并列句，以多動(dòng)詞句的角度理解翻譯，譯為Then, standing in disarray, preening their white plumage carefully, they occasionally gave themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers.
3，“一個(gè)已修飾完畢的，彎曲它的頸到背上，長長的紅嘴藏沒在翅膀里，靜靜合上它白色的茸毛間的小黑眼，仿佛準(zhǔn)備睡眠?！弊g為One of them, after grooming itself, turns round its neck to rest on the back, then buries its long red beak under its wings and quietly closes its small black eyes tucked away among the white find hair. 對于這種多動(dòng)詞的句子，使用現(xiàn)在分詞和過去分詞是最常用的方法。
4，“你就是這樣做你的夢嗎?”譯者在此將做夢譯為sleep，個(gè)人覺得dream 更好一些~

綜述：
注意本段長句的綜合技巧，有時(shí)對于參考譯文我們要辯證的看待。

我想起故鄉(xiāng)放雛鴨的人了。一大群鵝黃色的雛鴨游牧在溪流間。清淺的水，兩岸青青的草，一根長長的竹竿在牧人的手里。他的小隊(duì)伍是多么歡欣地發(fā)出啾啁聲，又多么馴服地隨著他的竿頭越過一個(gè)田野又一個(gè)山坡！夜來了，帳幕似的竹篷撐在地上，就是他的家。但這是怎樣遼遠(yuǎn)的想象?。≡谶@多塵土的國度里，我僅只希望聽見一點(diǎn)樹葉上的雨聲。
The scene recalls to my mind the duckling raiser in my home town. With a long bamboo pole in hand, he would look after a large flock of gosling-yellow ducklings moving about on the limpid water of a shallow brook flanked on both sides by green grass. How the little creatures jig-jigged merrily! How they obediently followed the bamboo pole to scamper over field after field, hillside after hillside! When night fell, the duckling raiser would make his home in a tent-like bamboo shed. Oh, that is something of the distant past! Now, in this dusty country of ours, what I yearn for is to hear the drip-drip of rain beating against leaves.

要點(diǎn)：
1，“清淺的水，兩岸青青的草，一根長長的竹竿在牧人的手里” 與英語比較起來，漢語在表達(dá)思想時(shí)，有突出主題而忽略主語的現(xiàn)象。因此對于無主句我們通常要找主語，而主語通常為已知的信息。此處譯者將此句譯為With a long bamboo pole in hand, he would look after a large flock of gosling-yellow ducklings moving about on the limpid water of a shallow brook flanked on both sides by green grass.不僅譯出主語，還做了變通，顯出文學(xué)性，但我們在翻譯這類句子是，一般采用順譯的方法，比較保險(xiǎn)。下面兩種譯法供大家參考A great swarm of yellowish crane ducklings floated in the streams , the shallow blue water beneath, the green grass on both banks, and the long bamboo pole in the hands of the tender.
A great crowd of light yellow ducklings would be taken to the waters of the creek----limpid water, lush green grass on the banks, and a long bamboo staff in the herder's hand.
2，“他的小隊(duì)伍是多么歡欣地發(fā)出啾啁聲”翻譯擬聲詞時(shí)，雖然英語和漢語有很多詞是可以對應(yīng)的，但漢語的擬聲詞作為形容詞，而英語的擬聲詞多為動(dòng)詞和名詞。因此我們在翻譯的時(shí)候要對詞性和句形做調(diào)整?！斑筮蠼小笨勺g為cheep或chirp，jig-jig做擬聲詞用到的不多，（查完詞典發(fā)現(xiàn)它居然還有些少兒不宜的意思，，，，建議大家還是用c開頭的兩個(gè)~
“這是怎樣遼遠(yuǎn)的想象??！”可以用how，此處用的that，同學(xué)們也可以學(xué)習(xí)下~譯者使用現(xiàn)在時(shí)翻譯，增加描述的生動(dòng)性和現(xiàn)實(shí)感

綜述：無主句，擬聲詞，感嘆句，每個(gè)都不能忽略~

我仰起頭。天空低垂如灰色霧幕，落下一些寒冷的碎屑到我臉上。一只遠(yuǎn)來的鷹隼仿佛帶著憤怒，對這沉重的天色的憤怒，平張的雙翅不動(dòng)地從天空斜插下，幾乎觸到河溝對岸的土阜，而又鼓撲著雙翅，作出猛烈的聲響騰上了。那樣巨大的翅使我驚異。我看見了它兩脅間斑白的羽毛。
When I look up at a gray misty pall of a low-hanging sky, some dust particles feel chilly on my face. A hawk, seemingly irked by the gloomy sky, swoops down sideways out of nowhere, with wings wide-spread and immovable, until it almost hits the hillock on the other side of the brook. But it soars skywards again with a loud flap. I am amazed by the tremendous size of its wings. And I also catch sight of the grizzled feathers on its underside.

要點(diǎn)：
1，“天空低垂如灰色霧幕”譯為a gray misty pall of a low –hanging sky,等于a low-hanging sky resembling a gray misty pall.同樣的栗子如：a toy of a house=a toy-like house,a dwarf of a man=a dwarf –like a man.
2,”遠(yuǎn)來的“譯為out of nowhere(不知從哪兒來的), 通常我們譯為coming from afar, 但前者更為傳神貼切。
3，“沉重的天色”是一個(gè)移就修辭格的表達(dá)，作者把原來屬于形容人的心情的“沉重”
轉(zhuǎn)移到形容非生命的“天空”，譯為the gloomy sky，也可以參考第一段譯為leaden sky

綜述：

在描寫“鷹“時(shí)，譯者又運(yùn)用了大量生動(dòng)形象的動(dòng)詞。需要注意接著聽見了它有力的鳴聲，如同一個(gè)巨大的心的呼號，或是在黑暗里尋找伴侶的叫喚。
然而雨還是沒有來。
Then I hear its loud cry — like a powerful voice from the bottom of its heart or a call in the dark for its comrades in arms .But still no rain.

要點(diǎn)：
1，“伴侶“此處有”戰(zhàn)友“的含義，故譯comrade in arms
2,” 然而雨還是沒有來” 語篇中有一些與長句交織在一起的短句，這些短句的不時(shí)出現(xiàn)，像音樂中不時(shí)出現(xiàn)在主旋律旁邊的一個(gè)副旋律，共同組合成一個(gè)和諧的音樂篇章。因此對于這個(gè)短句，譯者也進(jìn)行了短句處理。長短句結(jié)合，體現(xiàn)散文的美美美！

綜述：
在詞語選擇上，多書面化和文學(xué)性的用語。還有使用大量修辭，譯文中的不少動(dòng)詞，值得我們積累和借鑒~本文句式偏歐化，即多長句（多層定語，多層狀語，多層散句）理解不難，但很考驗(yàn)譯者的翻譯功底。

聲明:本雙語文章的中文評析系滬江英語原創(chuàng)內(nèi)容,轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處。中文評析僅代表作者個(gè)人觀點(diǎn),僅供參考。如有不妥之處,歡迎指正。