Question:?I started a new job in August, and for the most part I really like it here. The thing is, I report to someone who yells when he's under pressure (which is most of the time). He's not being abusive or insulting, he's just extremely emotional and loud.?
問題：我八月份找到一份新工作，總體上我比較喜歡這份工作。只是有一點(diǎn)，我的上司每當(dāng)面對壓力的時(shí)候（幾乎大部分時(shí)間），就愛對同事大吼大叫。當(dāng)然，他并不是辱罵、侮辱下屬，只不過他非常容易激動(dòng)，而且說話聲音很大。

I'm not used to this, and it leaves me dumbstruck. I can't concentrate well enough to answer intelligently when someone is hollering at me. The only other person who reports to this manager, and who has been here a long time, responds by saying, "Call me when you've calmed down and we'll talk," and then leaves the room. I don't quite have the nerve to do that, and I don't want to yell back, so can you suggest some other ways to handle this?
對此我很不習(xí)慣，這種情況讓我不知所措。每當(dāng)有人對我大聲叫喊的時(shí)候，我總是無法集中精力，而且不能明智地回答問題。包括我在內(nèi)，他一共只有兩名下屬，另外一位已經(jīng)在公司工作很長時(shí)間了，每當(dāng)上司對他吼叫的時(shí)候，他會(huì)對他說：“等你冷靜下來給我打電話，我們到時(shí)候再談?！比缓缶碗x開房間。我可不敢那么做，但我也不想對他喊叫。那么，我應(yīng)該怎么辦？

Answer: It seems your colleague is on to something. In any negotiation -- and make no mistake, this situation qualifies as one -- the person who is ready to walk away, even if only for the moment, holds most of the power. "The least effective thing you can do is fight emotion with emotion by yelling back at someone who's yelling at you," says Steven P. Cohen. "If one party is emotional and the other stays calm, the unemotional one has far more leverage." The trick is learning how to use it.
回答：你的同事似乎掌握了訣竅。在任何談判中——沒錯(cuò)，這種情況也是談判的一種——隨時(shí)可以離開的一方握有最大的主動(dòng)權(quán)，即使只是短暫的離開。斯蒂芬-科恩說：“有人對你吼叫時(shí)，效果最差的應(yīng)對方法便是以牙還牙，用大聲叫喊來還擊。如果一方情緒激動(dòng)，而另一方能保持冷靜，那么冷靜的一方就掌握了更多優(yōu)勢。”而技巧在于如何利用這種優(yōu)勢。

Cohen is president of a consulting firm called The Negotiating Skills Company and author of a new book, The Practical Negotiator: How to Argue Your Point, Plead Your Case, and Prevail in Any Situation. He notes that, while some people use yelling as a deliberate strategy to intimidate others, your boss sounds more like "someone who's out of control and needs help learning how to cope with stress.
科恩是咨詢公司談判技巧公司的總裁，并著有一本新書《實(shí)用談判技巧》。他表示，有的人會(huì)故意用大聲叫喊作為威嚇?biāo)说牟呗裕愕纳纤韭犉饋硭坪酢耙呀?jīng)失控，需要好好學(xué)習(xí)如何應(yīng)對壓力?！?/div>

"He may also be dealing with personal problems, outside the office, that affect his behavior at work. But it's not your job to be his therapist" -- so, if you're ever tempted to go there, don't.
“他可能正為工作之外的私人問題焦頭爛額，結(jié)果影響了工作中的表現(xiàn)。但你沒有責(zé)任做他的治療師?！薄?，如果你有這樣的打算，趁早放棄。

Instead, Cohen recommends you try one or more of these tactics:
相反，科恩建議你嘗試一下下面的策略：

1. Say nothing.
1. 保持沉默。

"Sitting there with a poker face or a quizzical expression, in absolute silence, is sometimes a good way to communicate that what someone just said -- or, in this case, how loudly he said it -- is offensive to you," Cohen notes. Wait until he runs out of steam and stops shouting before you continue the discussion.
科恩表示：“一言不發(fā)地坐在那里，臉上面無表情，或者帶著揶揄的表情，是一種很好的方式，可以表達(dá)出某人所說的話或者大聲叫喊的說話方式令你感到厭惡?！钡鹊剿潇o下來，不再叫喊的時(shí)候，再繼續(xù)你們的討論。

2. Calmly explain why his yelling bothers you.
2. 平靜地解釋他的叫喊為什么令你煩惱。

If you feel you have to speak, you could say something like, "When someone yells at me like this, it's very hard for me to concentrate. I feel as if we're really not communicating." There's an outside chance that pointing out the problem will embarrass him into lowering his voice, but even if not, having expressed what you're thinking will make you feel less like a deer in his headlights.
如果你感覺自己不得不說出來，可以這樣表達(dá)：“每當(dāng)有人對我大聲叫喊的時(shí)候，我就很難集中精力。我感覺我們并不是在溝通。”指出問題令你的上司感到尷尬，從而迫使他降低音量的可能性不大，但即便如此，表達(dá)出自己的想法，可以讓你不會(huì)再像以前那樣手足無措。

3. Talk very softly.
3. 輕聲說話。

An approach that Cohen has often seen work is to "talk in a very soft voice, slowly," he says. "Make him listen to you, even to the point where he asks you to speak a little louder." This can be effective for two reasons. First, it distracts the yeller from whatever is stressing him out and shifts his attention to the content of the discussion, where it belongs; and, second, the glaring contrast between your voice and his might cause him to talk to you more quietly.
科恩發(fā)現(xiàn)非常有效的一種方式是，“用非常輕柔緩慢的聲音說話。讓他聽你說，甚至在關(guān)鍵內(nèi)容上，他會(huì)要求你提高音量?！边@種方法之所以有效，有兩個(gè)原因。首先，可以分散對方對壓力的關(guān)注，使他將注意力轉(zhuǎn)移到真正需要關(guān)注的地方，也就是你們正在討論的內(nèi)容；其次，雙方聲音之間的強(qiáng)烈對比也會(huì)讓他降低音量跟你說話。

4. Restate what he's yelling about.
4. 重新敘述對方大聲叫喊的內(nèi)容。

Sometimes yellers calm down when it's clear you've understood the point they're trying to make, Cohen says. So try repeating back to him what he just shouted, but in your own words: "If I understand you correctly, you're saying we need to…." "If you can get past your gut reaction to being yelled at and listen to the substance of what your boss is saying, he may be revealing important information," Cohen notes. If so, showing that you've heard it might help reduce the volume.
科恩表示，當(dāng)你理解了對方試圖表達(dá)的觀點(diǎn)時(shí)，他們往往能平靜下來，停止叫喊。所以，嘗試用自己的語言重新敘述對方叫喊的內(nèi)容：“如果我沒理解錯(cuò)的話，你的意思是說我們需要……”當(dāng)上司對你叫喊時(shí)，如果你能控制住自己的本能反應(yīng)，用心傾聽他要表達(dá)的實(shí)質(zhì)內(nèi)容，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，他可能正在表達(dá)重要的信息。如果是這樣的話，表明自己理解了對方的真實(shí)意圖，或許就能讓對方偃旗息鼓。

5. Prepare a solution ahead of time.
5. 提前準(zhǔn)備解決方案。

If you know in advance that something has happened that's likely to set him off, "don't go into a meeting unprepared. Come up with some ideas about how to address whatever the issue is -- ideally, some creative, surprising ones," says Cohen. "A surprise often throws a yeller off-kilter and makes him stop and consider an approach that may not have occurred to him." Again, when you present these, speak softly. After a while, he may take the hint.
科恩表示，如果你提前就知道，發(fā)生了某件事情會(huì)讓上司怒火中燒，“那就不要毫無準(zhǔn)備地走進(jìn)會(huì)議室。提前想出一些可以解決問題的方案——最好是有創(chuàng)意的、出人意料的方案。意料之外的解決方案能讓怒吼的人冷靜下來，停止咆哮，開始考慮這個(gè)自己沒有想到的方法?！碑?dāng)然，在提出這些方案的時(shí)候要輕聲細(xì)語。不久，他就能領(lǐng)會(huì)到你的意圖。

All that said, Cohen wonders if maybe, when you've been in this job for longer than two months, you'll become as blasé?about the noise as your more seasoned colleague is. "If you know this is just the way this person reacts to stress, and it doesn't mean anything, why let it bother you?" he says. "Remind yourself that losing control and shouting at people detracts from his professional credibility, not yours." True.
總而言之，或許等你在這個(gè)崗位工作超過兩個(gè)月之后，你也會(huì)像那位同事一樣，對上司的怒吼無動(dòng)于衷。科恩說：“如果你知道這只是上司應(yīng)對壓力的一種方式，沒什么大不了的，為什么還要為此而煩惱？要提醒自己，失去控制，對別人大聲叫喊，只會(huì)降低他自己的職業(yè)信用，并不會(huì)影響你的信用。”確實(shí)如此。